Reality-Defying Support

Do you ever lie awake at night pondering the existential crisis of your start-up's identity? Fear not, for I possess the mystical powers to conjure a brand identity package beyond your wildest dreams. I shall craft a logo that not only represents your business but also your deepest fears and desires. Stationery? I'll make it so fabulous that even your office supplies will have an identity crisis. Messaging? Prepare for messages that transcend the boundaries of reality itself. You'll leave the world wondering if you're here to serve them or if they're here to serve you.

Marketing, is like a surrealist painting where companies build relationships with customers, and suddenly, a llama wearing a monocle appears. To navigate this wacky landscape, you need a strategy as absurd as the cosmos itself. I'll guide you through this maze of madness with a marketing plan so unique that your competitors will question their sanity. Guerrilla marketing? Of course! I'll unleash flying squirrels armed with tiny billboards on unsuspecting pedestrians.

Imagine a world where ads are not just messages but existential quests. Your advertising campaign will be a journey through the whimsical realms of consumer consciousness. I'll explore the market landscape with a map made of melted cheese, craft a value proposition that defies the laws of physics, and set goals so ambitious that even the concept of realism will question itself. Yes, I'll use direct marketing, web marketing, and if necessary, send trained robots to do somersaults for your brand.

My custom websites are like digital portals to alternate dimensions where your company reigns supreme. They come with functionality that not only serves your company but also entertains your clients with interpretive dance and interpretive code. I specialize in open-source content management systems that are so open that they're practically intergalactic gateways. Whether you need a database application, e-commerce, or a website that communicates exclusively in emoji, I've got you covered.

In a world where search engines are the gatekeepers to reality, you must play by their rules. Let me be your SEO guru, wielding the ancient scrolls of keyword research like a wizard with a crystal ball. I'll optimize your website with incantations of code and dance rituals that will leave Google's algorithms in awe. Your website will ascend the search rankings like a caffeinated unicorn on a rocket-powered pogo stick.

When it comes to graphic design, I don't just create visuals; I conjure emotions from the depths of your audience's souls. Brochures will become enchanted scrolls, trade show graphics will be portals to alternate dimensions, and billboards will transmit subliminal messages that make people question the meaning of life. Prepare for a visual journey that will leave your audience questioning the fabric of reality itself.