My Nonsense Narrative

David Hassmann

Absurdist. Jack of all trades, master of some.
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About Me

In a world where logic is a mere illusion, I have embarked on a bewildering journey through the realms of creative chaos. With the grace of a unicorn tap-dancing on rainbows, I've assumed the roles of a Freelance Creative Director/Art Director/Graphic Designer, where I navigated the treacherous seas of strategic planning, creative ideation, and production, all while juggling projects as varied as billboards shaped like spaghetti and infographics inspired by the dreams of caffeinated squirrels.

As a freelance web designer for Songwriters Across Texas / Big Easy Entertainment, I conjure digital realms where reality meets imagination. Armed with Wix and a touch of madness, I craft visually captivating websites that defy convention and elevate the entertainment experience.

In a cosmic twist, I joined the CBRE South-Central marketing team, where I conjured high-end materials that shimmered with the essence of stardust. Presentations manifested as holographic dreams, quarterly reports sang celestial melodies and property fliers sparkled like meteor showers.

As a Production Manager/Graphic Designer at Open Sky Media, I masterminded advertising materials that whispered secrets to passing asteroids. Ad promos for sales teams communicated in a language known only to cosmic jellyfish, while media kits translated the wisdom of ancient constellations.

In an eccentric twist, I curated way-finding signage for the San Antonio Zoo, where bewildered visitors were guided by the cryptic symbols of the intergalactic octopus.

As the enigmatic Creative Director, I steered a startup through the turbulent waters of creativity, shaping marketing strategy with the finesse of a moonwalking giraffe. My contributions birthed client loyalty, and the company's expansion was marked by the arrival of an Account Coordinator and a Graphic Designer, both trained in the art of conversing with parallel dimensions.

In a surreal metamorphosis, I led a rebranding effort that transformed a production design firm into an advertising agency with the elegance of a synchronized ballet of jellyfish. Marketing messages became intergalactic sonnets, and the company's growth soared to heights unknown to Earthly physics.

As the Senior Art Director, I harmonized with a cacophony of creative minds to conceive concepts that danced like subatomic particles. Photography and illustrations were the paintbrushes of cosmic deities, and layout designs were portals to dimensions only accessible by the most imaginative dreamers.

In the realm of computers, I wielded software like InDesign and Illustrator with the precision of a time-traveling watchmaker, while Photoshop danced with After Effects in a never-ending tango of pixels. My mastery extended to dimensions beyond mortal comprehension, including Keynote and Slider Revolution, where presentations transcended the boundaries of reality.

On my intergalactic journey, I received awards that glimmered like supernovas in the night sky. The Summit Awards recognized my prowess with the Best Website for Custom Builder, while I took home the Best Single Magazine Display Ad three times in a row, leaving the audience in awe.

In a bygone era, I embarked on a quest for knowledge, earning a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Communication Design. My portfolio shone like a beacon in the dark, awarded the title of Best Portfolio in Art Direction.

Alternate Oddities

In the realm of drawing, I summon creatures from the depths of imagination, where squiggles transform into surreal landscapes, and graphic pens become magic wands.

Playing golf takes on a whimsical twist, as fairways morph into enchanted forests, and golf balls perform acrobatic feats guided by mischievous sprites.

Long walks in the park become epic adventures, where squirrels recite poetry, and ducks engage in philosophical debates about breadcrumbs.

Writing nonsense is my literary quest, where words sprout wings and sentences do the tango with grammar, leaving syntax in stitches.

But the greatest adventure of all is having fun with my beautiful daughter, where reality itself becomes a grand carnival, and laughter is the universal language of our shared dreams.